so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
