I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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