did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
