Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
