Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
