Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She tied me up with her honor cords...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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