she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
