all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
