I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
