Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
