the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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