bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
