Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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