it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
