it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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