It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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