Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
