so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
