Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
