So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
