only if we run a train.
done.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
