I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
