I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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