He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
