If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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