he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
