Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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