Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
