My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
