K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
