ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
