i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
