he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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