This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this will be a night to untag.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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