lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
