i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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