IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
