i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
