The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
