People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
