Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
