roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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