Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
