I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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