Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
