Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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