Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
