the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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