im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
