We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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