i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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