The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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